I Was A Teenage Vegan CookBlog

I’ve been rather busy packing up all my worldly belongings in preparation for this coming weekend’s move to Somerville, so I haven’t had a great deal of time to devote to cooking (although I did throw together some barbecued tofu for my farewell luncheon this afternoon (which, surprisingly, went over quite well) or blogging, so I’ll sort of be phoning it in this week. In honor of my once and future home, here is a classic and often-requested recipe of mine: vegan boston cream doughnuts. The one pictured below is from a batch I made with Dan, and is slightly browner than usual because he only believes in using whole wheat pastry flour, which, in general, I would not recommend. These take a bit of time and effort, so you may have to be all “time to make the doughnuts” in the ungodly hours of the night if you want to actually eat them for breakfast. This recipe should make about 12 large-ish filled doughnuts (you can make jelly doughnuts too - just fill them with the jam of your choice and dip them in granulated sugar) or 24 non-filled. If you don’t want to make them all at once, extra dough can be stored in the freezer for a couple of weeks.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup warm water
• 2 1/2 tbsp. active dry yeast
• 4 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 14 tbsp. margarine
• 1 cup sugar
• 3 measures egg replacer
• 4 tsp. vanilla
• 1 1/8 tsp. salt
• 2 1/2 tbsp. cornstarch
• 2 cups soymilk
• 6 oz. chocolate chips
• 2 tbsp. corn syrup

Equipment: Mixing bowls, saucepan, refrigerator, frying pan, whisk, plastic wrap, rolling pin, pastry bag.

Music: Speaking of phone-related things, I just recently figured out how to make my own ringtones, so I decided, for no particular reason, that they should be entirely vampire themed, which as far as this update is concerned, is appropriately nocturnal. Yes, I realize that customized ringtones are lame. You should check these bands/songs out anyway:

• Xiu Xiu - Brian the Vampire
• The Mae Shi - Vampire Beats
• Lightning Bolt - Dracula Mountain
• The Advantage - Castlevania II - Woods

Instructions:

1. Stir yeast and water together in a large bowl and let stand 5 minutes. Add 1 cup flour and cover tightly with plastic wrap. Let rise for about 50-60 minutes until bubbly.
2. While the dough is rising, prepare the cream filling by combining 1/3 cup sugar and cornstarch in a saucepan and whisking in soy milk slowly so that no lumps form. Cook the mixture over medium heat, stirring constantly, until it begins to thicken. Lower the heat and cook for another minute until thick, then mix in 2 tsp. vanilla and 2 tbsp. margarine.
3. Pour the filling into a bowl, press plastic wrap tightly against the filling’s surface to seal it, and refrigerate it for several hours.
4. In a large bowl, combine 10 tbsp. margarine, 2/3 cup sugar, and the egg replacer and beat until fluffy. Add 2 tsp. vanilla and 1 tsp. salt and blend.
5. Add the yeast mixture and the remaining flour to the margarine mixture and mix. Form the dough into a ball.
6. Coat the sides of a large bowl with margarine and place the dough in it. Cover the bowl and all the dough to rise for 1 1/2 hours, punch it down (compress the dough), place it in sealed plastic bag, and refrigerate it for 3 or more hours.
7. Remove the dough from the refrigerator and roll it out onto a floured surface to a thickness of 1/4 inch. Cut it into doughnut-sized circles.
8. Brush the edges of the dough circles with egg replacer or a cornstarch/water mixture. Place atop each other in pairs and pinch the edges closed and set aside to rise for 1/2-1 hour.
9. In a deep-sided frying pan, heat 1/2 inch of vegetable oil over medium/high heat. Reduce the heat slightly and fry the doughnuts until golden brown on each side and cooked throughout.
10. Drain the oil from the doughnuts and poke a hole in the side of each. Using a pastry bag with a wide nozzle or whatever you have on hand (in the past I’ve just used a narrow spoon), fill each doughnut with the cream filling.
11. Melt the chocolate chips in a double boiler or the microwave. Add 2 tbsp. margarine and corn/rice syrup and stir smooth. Dip the doughnuts into the chocolate topping, or use a broad knife to spread it liberally atop their tops.

I’ve been looking forward to moving back to Boston for a long time, and Russell, Eric, and I have a great place picked out in the Davis Square area, complete with a newly-remodeled kitchen. Drop me a line if you live in or around these parts - we should totally hang out and do some cooking together some dark and stormy night.

Just the other day I was looking through my various cookbooks to find a dessert that could be made with my meagre supplies and settled on the “No-Bake Black Bottom-Peanut Butter Silk Pie” from Isa Chandra Moskovitz’s excellent collection Vegan With A Vengeance, which is full of more temptingly scrumptious-sounding recipes and confusingly-used hyphens than I can shake a grammar textbook at. The pie turned out pretty well (and for those of you who think there is no way that the peanut butter/chocolate combo can ever go awry there are a few NYC vegan bakeries that I could show you), despite making my miniature kitchen look like a post-punkapocalyptic wasteland, and I would recommend her book both for the breadth of its proletarian gourmet scope and for all of her helpful advice. One complaint I have, however, is that several of her recipes feature ingredients, in this case agar (-agar), that no one living outside of a select few major metropolises, wealthy ex-hippy exurban enclaves, or Japan will ever be able to find. I mean, fenugreek? Asafoetida? Hijiki? Come on, now. I hardly know how to pronounce those, let alone what they are or where to buy them (though it’s nice to see someone expanding the vocabulary of vegan culinary discourse (even if they do so through a talking cartoon cat)). She does include plenty of recipes for those of us with less exotic pantries, and I just read about her cooking/hosting a Man Man dinner party in Manhattan, so I guess we’re cool. It’s probably my fault for not moving to Brooklyn anyway.

Today’s recipe has almost nothing to do with the above, except inasmuch as it involves pie - pecan pie, to be precise. This originally appeared in the first volume of my cookbook and is a slightly spicy take on the traditional recipe. I usually think of it as being more of a fall/winter holiday dish, but served with a scoop of soy or rice cream and a cup of coffee it’s a great after dinner treat for any season. Astute readers may notice in the picture below that I baked mine in a cake pan instead of a pie plate. This is because, given the miniscule size of my kitchen, my average cake-to-pie baking ratio, and a sort of thrifty and non-sensical pragmatism, I decided to not to buy one of each. My argument was that, while you can cook a pie in a cake pan, you can’t really bake a cake in a pie plate. . . unless we’re talking about cheesecake, in which case we have a whole other ontological argument on our hands.

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 3/4 tsp. salt
• 1/2 cup shortening
• 3 tbsp. water
• 2 cups whole pecans
• 6 tbsp. margarine
• 1 tbsp. honey
• 2/3 cup maple syrup
• 2/3 cup corn syrup
• 1 tsp. vanilla
• 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp. ginger
• 1/4 tsp. allspice
• 3 measures egg replacer

Equipment: cake pan/pie plate, frying pan/saucepan, mixing bowl/salad bowl, countertop/chopping block, oven/culinary blowtorch.

Music: Town and Country - C’mon

Instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 450.
2. In a mixing bowl, sift together flour and 1/2 tsp. salt. Add the shortening and stir until blended.
3. Add the water and mix until the dough being to hold together.
4. On a lightly floured surface, roll the dough into a circle using whatever rolling-pin-shaped object you have at hand. Place the dough in a lightly oiled pie plate and form it to the sides.
5. Bake the crust for 10-15 minutes until dry and light brown (if you want to keep the dough from puffing up too much while cooking, you can weigh it down with a large sheet of waxed paper or tin foil covered in dried beans or very small rocks, but it should turn out all right either way).
6. Reset the oven to 350.
7. Melt 2 tbsp. margarine in a saucepan, then add honey and the pecans. Roast the pecans until browned, turning them often to prevent burning.
8. Melt the remaining margarine and combine it in a mixing bowl with the syrups, vanilla, spices, salt, and egg replacer. Stir until smooth.
9. Place the half of the pecans on the bottom of the crust (I usually throw some chocolate chips in here too, but if you don’t want your dessert to taste even mroe awesome then by all means, leave them out) and pour the filling over them.
10. Arrange the remaining pecans in a pleasing pattern on top of the filling and bake the pie for 25-30 minutes.
11. Be cool.

Some people are a little grossed-out by the idea of consuming corn syrup. Given the quality of foods that it normally appears in I can’t say that I blame them. Scientifically speaking (according to the reading I’ve done) there is no noticeable nutritional difference between it and any of the other glucose or fructose-based syrups available (it’s really the ubiquitous high-fructose corn syrup that you want to avoid), but if you feel more comfortable replacing it with brown rice syrup, or whatever, the recipe should still work out just fine. I’m not sure that I’d use molasses, but that may just be because of the lingering smell of local tragedy. If you want to get really fancy you can try cooking some candied ginger (and maybe a little orange peel) along with the pecans - not that I’ve tried this myself, mind you, it just seems like it would be a good idea. I usually settle for adding some chocolate chips and calling it a day (maybe even grating a little bittersweet chocolate an sprinkling it over the top if I feel like putting in that little bit of extra effort). I’ve had a little difficulty getting the inside to be as springy and voluminous as your average non-vegan late-night diner slice due to the irreplaceability of egg whites, so perhaps I should become more acquainted with agar after all.

Finally, for those of you who were wondering, today’s title is an off-handed reference to our glorious and malevolent leader, who, for those of you who may have forgotten, resides somewhere in the dictionary between cretin and buffoon.

I was feeling a little lazy this weekend, so when faced with final forkfuls of the past fortnight’s stew I decided that this week’s dinner would be something simpler. I had a package of macaroni at my disposal and, pre-made tomato sauce being too much of a cop-out and homemade tomato sauce being too much of a commitment, I quickly settled on the idea of pesto. “Throw a few ingredients together in blender,” I thought to myself, “what could possibly go wrong?” Several grueling hours later I finally reaped my delicious rewards. I’m sure it would have been quicker had I a stovetop to work on instead of a single, underpowered hotplate. Adding a bunch of sauteed vegetables and tofu probably slowed me down as well. At least the pesto part was as simple as I expected it to be, though it ended up being rather blackish due to the unforgivable absense of fresh basil on my lame local greengrocer’s shelves.

Ingredients:

• A bunch of basil
• 1/2 cup walnuts, chopped
• 1/3 cup olive oil
• 1 tsp. salt
• 2 tsp. lemon juice
• 2 tsp. garlic, chopped
• 1 box of pasta
• 1 block of tofu
• 1 forest of broccoli
• 1 fistful of kalamata olives
• 1 sack full of cherry tomatoes
• 1 red onion, sliced
• Spice

Equipment: Blender/food processor, frying pan, cutting board, large pot, sieve.

Music: Volcano! - Beautiful Seizure

Instructions:

1. Put basil, walnuts, olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, and salt in a blender or food processor and mix until pasty.
2. Heat a couple tablespoons of vegetable oil in a frying pan, then add slices of tofu and fry until browned. Add onion and some more garlic (why not) as well as miscellaneous italian-sounding spices, salt, and pepper and continue cooking.
3. Chop up broccoli, tomatoes, and olives and add them to the pan. Let the mixture simmer, stirring occasionally.
4. Fill a large pot halfway with water (the actual amount should be dictated by the size of your pot, not the directions on your box of pasta - don’t feel bad if you have to use one quart instead of, say, four) and bring to a boil. Add pasta and cook until toothsome. Remove the pot from heat, drain the pasta, return it to the pot, and stir in the pesto.
5. Plate the pasta and top liberally with the tofu and vegetables.

The beautiful thing about this dish, aside from its considerable physical beauty, is that while it is just as simple to prepare as any of the concoctions I saw the Food Not Bombs folks throw together in my college kitchen, it is, unlike most of them, flavorful. I think that actually including spices helps a little bit (using non-decomposing produce may have something to do with is as well). Some pesto recipes say that you should toast the walnuts before you grind them up, and i’m pretty sure that they’d all recommend not using a jar of brackish, pre-packaged basil, but do I look like the type of person who a) owns a toaster oven, or b) gives a damn? Probably.

I spent some of last Sunday visiting my mother at the family home, which was delightful as always, save for the omnipresent cat hair and crushing suburban malaise. I insisited on cooking dinner (which consisted solely of cookies), both because it was mother’s day and because her cooking has historically filled me with trepidation due to the seeming inevitability of her wander ingout of the kitchen at some critical point, leaving our meals slightly singed at best, if not burned completely beyond recognition.

Today’s cookie recipe is a notable exception to the rule, mostly because it doesn’t require any baking at all. With a preparation time of only 10 minutes, they are perfect for even the most absent-minded of chefs. Featuring the famous dessert duo of chocolate and peanut butter, the addition of oatmeal makes the undisputed pleasuse of eating them slightly less guilty for those of you who take a catholic view of the whole death-by-chocolate thing. An old family recipe (though not exclusively or necessarily ours) to which I’ve made only a few slight modifications, you may know them as no-bake cookies, but around our house they go by “gooey-ga-gooies”. Truly, a name only a mother could love.

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup margarine
• 1/2 cup soy milk
• 1 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup cocoa
• 1 tsp. vanilla
• 1/2 cup peanut butter
• 3 cups oatmeal
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips (optional)
• 2 tbsp. instant coffee (optional)

Equipment: Pot, stove, pan, fridge.

Music: Dead Kennedys - Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death

Instructions:

1. In a large pot, combine margarine, soymilk, cocoa, and sugar (and instant coffee if desired) and cook over high heat, stirring frequently. Bring mixture to a boil for one minute then remove from heat.
2. Add vanilla and peanut butter and stir. Mix in oatmeal and chocolate chips.
3. Drop by the spoonful onto an ungreased cookie sheet.
4. Refrigerate for one hour, or until you just can’t wait any longer.

These cookies came up during a lunchtime barbecue at work yesterday, so I made some during my lunch break today. They may not look glamorous, and they certainly are not fancy, but what they lack in complexity and sophistication they make up for in brute force of flavor. Their simplicity makes them great for when you’re entertaining guests, and even better for when simply trying to satiate your impatient brood, for whom, nutritionally-correct do-gooders be damned, cookies are an always food.

So, I just got back from a whirlwind tour of the South and I have to say that it was less distressing than I expected. While the travel days were filled with intermittent and interminable stops at burger joints and lunch buffets (which certainly aren’t winning any vegan friends with their gratuitously meat-covered salads), the various cities of Alabama, Arkansas, and Kentucky (I use the plural generously) were actually home to a surprising number of hip, independent cafes and coffeehouses where discerning young fellows such as myself could enjoy a delightfully non-clif-bar-based repast. A surprising number in this case being at least one apiece.

While the citizens of dixie certainly try to make up for their underabundance of tofu through stereotypically southern hospitalities, comforts, and drawls, I for one, being something of a stereotypical New-Englander myself, am immediately suspicious of anyone smiling at me for no apparent reason, and thus am doubly glad to be returning for a brief sojourn in Boston this weekend. To mark the occasion (and maybe Mother’s Day, or whatever) I’m going to be throwing together a batch of what is arguably my most popular recipe, carrot cake cookies. So simple they can be completed in an under an hour and so addictive that they disappear even quicker, these are the ideal casual summer treat. I’m even willing to overlook the fact that they violate my one cardinal rule of dessert food by not containing even a trace of chocolate (until anyone produces vegan white chocolate, at least), although, technically speaking, since they contain at least the one eponymous vegetable they’re nominally nutritious enough not even to be considered a dessert at all.

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cups margarine
• 3 measures egg replacer
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 2 tsp. vanilla
• 2 cups flour
• 2 cups oatmeal
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1 tsp. baking powder
• 1 tsp. baking soda
• 1/2 tsp. nutmeg
• 1/2 tsp. ginger
• 2 tsp. cinnamon
• 2 cups carrots, grated
• 1/2 cup raisins
• 1/2 cup walnuts (optional)
• 10 oz. soy cream cheese
• 4 cups powdered sugar

Equipment: Grater, mixing bowls, assorted spoons, oven, refrigerator.

Music: Faraquet - The View From This Tower

Instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. In a mixing bowl, combine the sugar, brown sugar, egg replacer, 1 cup of margarine, and 1 tsp. vanilla and stir until creamy.
3. In a separate bow, mix together the flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger.
4. Combine dry and wet ingredients and stir in grated carrots, nuts, and raisins.
5. Form the dough into 2″ globs on a cookie sheet and bake for 15-20 minutes, then remove from the oven and refrigerate until cool.
6. Blend the soy cream cheese together with the powdered sugar, 1/2 cup margarine, and 1 tsp. vanilla until smooth and spread generously atop the cookies. Return them to the refrigerator until ready to serve.

I think that by writing for this site exclusively in the first person I may have created something of a false impression. It’s true what the old poets say: no man is an island, and here at I Was A Teenage Vegan CookBlog we’re positively archipelago-esque. So while all of this meandering text forms a direct line from my heart to your mind (with brief stopovers at my keyboard, your computer, and the internet, in no particular order), the overall idea would never have come to pass were it not for the contributions of several fine and frequently upstanding men, women, and other variously (and varyingly) gendered persons. Without further ado, allow me to introduce our cast of characters; a veritable rogue’s gallery of nutritional ne’er-do-wells, ravenous rapscallions, and miscreants of mise en place.

Russell (aka “My Lovely and Talented Assistant”)

Super Powers:

- Master of cutlery, cookery, and clean-uppery.

- Above average enthusiasm for tofu.

- Has a socktopus on his head.

- Loveliness, talent.

Zil (aka “The Wombat”)

Super Powers:

- The person behind this whole turgid affair.

- With super street medic action.

- Pretty in pink, polka dots.

- Radicalism, cuddliness.

Kiri (aka “Not ‘Kiwi’”)

Super Powers:

- Able to differentiate between hipsters and scenesters.

- Possibly either a hip scenester or a scene hipster.

- Good taste in food, clothes.

- Representing Brooklyn.

- Outspokenness, musicality.

Dan (aka “Vegan Dan”)

Super Powers:

- Dominion over all internets, webs, tubes, and trucks.

- Honorary sandle-wearing Vermont hippy.

- Currently also representing Brooklyn.

- Scruffiness, cautious optimistism.

Luke (aka “The Dreaded LukeOrMax”)

Super Powers:

- Master of dumpster diving and general scrounge-ability.

- Impressive improvisatory pancake-making skills.

- Source of vegan inspiration/influence.

- Mad science, bicycle repair.

- Self-sufficiency, possibilitarianism.

Max (aka “Our Hero”)

Super Powers:

- Vegan baking, cooking, writing, eating.

- Paper towel storage, dispensation.

- Zinesterism, cookbloggery.

- Insouciance, sarcasm.

There are many other people who, through their ongoing support, suggestions, and willingness to eat my occasionally questionable creations, continue to help make this possible. And remember, this blog is also brought to you by the continued interest of viewers like you, as well as by the numbers 0-9 and the letters A-Z. Therefore never send to know for whom I Was A Teenage Vegan CookBlog cooks; it cooks for thee.